Review: Tom Ford-Tobacco Vanille

god damn.

as i lift my hand to type this the scent of tobacco vanille is still almost as potent as it was four hours ago. exquisite sillage, just exquisite. i never use that word but its apt. i popped into saks after work, maybe half an hour before closing. i wasn't going to buy anything because you can't make a real decision half an hour before closing and, well, im broke, but it’s a good way to kill time.

i’m trying to choose a signature fragrance. i got some weird elemental molecular shit called biology fragrance 3: mystery from happier grocery in tribeca a few months ago for thirty bucks that i'm not all the way happy with. it's... interesting, kinda smoky(it has neroli, tuberose and cedarwood which on paper intrigued me) which i like but its a roll-on and it doesn't last that long. if i could get it as a spray it might in theory have better sillage but i dont think they make one in spray form.

i tried either leather or dark rum from malin and goetz last year and it was kinda boring after a while. kinda flat, kinda one note. also much like the one above it didn't last that long.

i've tried a bunch of stuff from heretic parfums that’s interesting in theory but doesn't really have much lasting power. i believe it’s all plant based that might have something to do with it. also some of them get kind of muddled and weak after a while, kind of soupy if that makes sense. they have one called dirty hinoki which is the closest to something i'd buy for myself. that and blood cedar which i vaguely remember lasting a while and being fairly complex. i don't think my place has it right now though(it's seasonal i think) and i don't like buying something as personal as a fragrance without trying it out first so the internet is a no go.

the closest i came was jang from elorea, which is a korean fragrance that has fermented soybean notes. i actually love it but the travel size bottle i got myself for christmas(i was broke) got locked in place in a weird way so i couldn't spray it after a while. i actually cut myself on it pretty bad trying to dislodge it. so i'm a bit wary.

they do have this one called hazy blue that really intrigues me though.

at saks i smelled a couple dries van notens that were interesting(there was a cannabis patchouli one that was promising) but the tobacco vanille from tom ford... that was the only one i let touch my skin. and... well, fuck. i want this to touch my skin as much as possible. i feel almost love struck.

this speaks to my soul. it's powerful yet has gentleness, almost a delicacy to it. i'm a gemini if you didn't know, and i thrive in dualities. six three with a family history going back to the west side mob and the ira but with a penchant for neo-soul, unisex fragrances and the colors pink and purple. one of the few men of indigenous extraction that can grow a full beard. somehow both the most serious person at work and the office cut up.

i suppose at the end of the day it's not enough for me to like something or think something is good. i'm compelled and drawn towards that which i find myself reflected. rightly or wrongly i view so many contradictions in myself, or at least i'm so overly conscious of all of these contradictions, that anything that is just so seems off to me. is anything even really just so? who the fuck knows? but i love the contradictory it draws me in.

just basic facts of my existence are contradictory. i’m indigenous(mixed, but quite visible, facial hair aside) yet i’m the scion of a downwardly mobile middle class. if you’re versed in any sort of stats regarding demographics you should know how rare that is. that’s the side of my family with all of the high achievers and professionals. i don’t necessarily believe in “marrying down” necessarily but that’s an argument that can be made in my case. my lineage traces back to upstate, the carolinas(oklahoma was just displacement) and limerick but the only place that could conceivably create me is new york. a place for misfits and those who are marooned. as all capitals of capital are. maybe london or chicago or toronto or montreal, but new york is the only definite.

just new york in general is a contradiction. absolute wealth next to absolute poverty, oftentimes in the most literal sense. sometimes they clash with each other, sometimes the cultural emblems from one extreme are brought up or down to the other(which will be elaborated on in a later piece) and thus a dapper dan or something along those lines is born. a city where graffiti artists end up at the whitney or the met or where rupert murdoch's son is responsible for backpacker rap. somehow a place to set down roots for generations and the most liminal space.

i debate on whether or not i can describe myself as liminal. i feel like i can enter any room yet ultimately i belong nowhere. i used to feel like i belonged in new york but lately it's been weird even here. i guess on some level indigenous existence in north america possesses some form of liminality on some level, even if you're home or close to it, which in a sense i am? especially if you come from the caste i do where you're in this weird space where you're doing much better than average because statistically white supremacy should have killed you a billion different ways by now whether through alcoholism or infrastructure that can at best be considered malicious but since you're not a practicing doctor you're a failure.

i would describe tobacco vanille as a unisex scent? it kind of has faint notes of berries to it that interplay with the vanilla. it's... spicy. not hot(i feel hot wearing it though) but spiced. it's feminine but with a masculine edge, not exactly femme but not really hard enough to be a stud. maybe a bit tomboyish? it's... i can't call it a femboy or a twink, i don't want to say metrosexual because that's stupid. it's cishet but very comfortable in itself and not afraid to be a bit dainty. i guess it's me? i would consider it liminal in the way that a lot of other unisex scents aren't. i don't know if i would call, say, mojave ghost "liminal".

i don't even think it's a gemini thing necessarily. although a lot of works that i can truly say resonate with me, such as hatful of hollow or evangelion were created or at the very least molded by my fellow twin signs. what can i say? i don't believe in astrology until i do.

this is sexy as fuck.

i smelled the white suede from tom ford and ehhhh. i respect what comme des garçons does, they make really interesting and unique fragrances and i might end up trying the new one they did with monocle. hell i might get the first one they did with monocle, i like hinoki.

maybe it is. maybe subconsciously i feel like i’m just a half craving to be a whole. lord knows i feel incomplete. i don’t even really believe in a "lord" but whatever.

an inherent contradiction that comes with resonance, or finding that thing that will help you make sense of yourself, or what have you, is that it will always be out of reach in some regard. like when you really want to see a movie you adore but you don't have the money to get a ticket or you know that based off your commute you won't make it on time. or when a fragrance that you fall madly in love with is just out of your price range this shit is like two hundred for a 30ml bottle.

damn bro.

a travel size is seventy five i guess. but is that enough like i kinda need this. it's me. this resonates with me so fucking much.